Expressing Disappointment
Disappointment is a natural emotion and too often we hide it to our detriment. Disappointment expressed tactfully can be a powerful motivator.
If others do not know you are disappointed, they are likely not going to change their behavior. If others find out you are disappointed in untactful ways, they may be more likely to want to entrench themselves in the unwanted behavior.
It’s a tricky think to let someone know you are disappointed with them. Sometimes it is best to just come out and say it, “Joe, I’m disappointed you missed your quota.” I like that better than the more third person abstract, “Joe, it’s disappointing you missed your quota.”
Disappointment can be expressed at anyone: customers who keep fumbling around with the PO or payment, employees who miss targets, partners who pull out of commitments, etc. Each situation requires its own modified level of tact.
Even if people know you should be disappointed, it is good to go ahead and make it clear that is indeed the case.
For every ounce of disappointment leader’s spread around, there needs to be a pound of love. Disappointment is to be used sparingly, to excise a flaw in an otherwise wonderful person.
On the flip side, it is honorable to receive disappointment graciously and to incorporate the feedback as is appropriate. When others recognize your efforts to make a change for them, you win.
How do you express disappointment?
From the conversation
Comments preserved from the original post.
GypsyGirl
I agree that disappoinmtment can be a powerful motivator. It works for me regularly. I wish to do my best to not disappoint those people important to me. However, I can’t help but find a flaw with your sentiments. “Disappointment is to be used sparingly”. In using your own words, disappointment is a natural emotion. And as we all know, emotions are something we have little control over, with few exceptions. Yes, we can work on finding ways to cope with jealousy or anger, but thay doesn’t prevemt those feelings from cropping up. Neither can we help that we become disappointed in anothers action or inaction.
It seems that if it is us that is disappointed, then some other individual or group has done, or not done, something that pleases us. We cannot control the actions of others any more than we can control the emotions that well up inside of us.
Disappointments happen. We will disappoint others and they will disappoint us, its just the way of life. I wholeheartedly believe that if we make conscience efforts to do our best, or to consider others feelings, we are less likely to disappoint. And that is what I want. To prevent others disappointment in myself.
When I am disappointed in others I try to explain to them why I am disappointed. I try to tell my children how they could have done better with making decisions. I ask them what would have beem a better choice, amd if they cannot tell me what would have been better, I give them examples. I allow them to make theirmistakes, to an extent and I work with them on learning how to do things differently, help them come up with alternative ways to think on various topics.
In adults, I do not be condescending and treat them that same as my children. They should be able to grasp the concept of disappointment within themselves. I will however tell them that I am disappointed in them. If they don’t know or can’t understand then yes, I will be open to explaining why their actions disappointed me.
Please excuse typos. I am on my phone.
melonakos
In reply to an earlier comment
Thanks for the comment. I think a lot of our emotions can be controlled by choice, so I think it’s important to temper our disappointments. But we shouldn’t bottle them up completely as some do. It’s a balance for sure.