I met Kaylynn Pogue walking through the Where’s Wilson section of a crowded Shaky Beats set in May 2017.
I was smitten. We were both sloshed. I kissed her within 10 conversational words. She does not remember that. I sure do.
We exchanged numbers and got to know each other on text.
She agreed to meet up with me a few weeks later. She tells me she almost didn’t come over. As a test for me, she asked for an Uber XL. I called her an XL; it was not only luck to get her attention!
She didn’t expect me to actually send her an XL. I always delight in surprising her.
I loved talking to her so much that I invited her to join my plans for Hangout Festival that same weekend. She came. It was most magical.
We had some of my favorite people in the world on that trip.
From there we grew to enjoy each other’s company. She started spending more and more time at my home. We fell in love.
I took her to Yonah Mountain’s Crush Fest. I told her, “I love you.” She deliberated for like 30 minutes. Then she said it back.
I am glad she carefully considered her options. My background is not at all the background she and her family had expected.
A divorced man with 5 kids from his marriage who is 13 years older. I understand that.
I have a lot of funny dating stories of women’s reactions when they hear my story for the first time. A third immediately became close-minded just because I am divorced and have kids; a third on the fence; and a third are unbothered and interested.
Thank goodness she stuck around.
Then came the troubles.
After the honeymoon period of getting to know someone, you enter the phase of questioning if each other is someone you want to be attached to more seriously. Couples in this stage often pit each other against some absurd ideals that do not actually matter. Any underlying personal issues also can fester into issues for the relationship.
I did two very wrong things, without realizing it. My actions caused tremendous headache and heartache for the two of us for nearly 3 years.
- My feelings of being lied to in other areas of life came to life. I was irritable and angry. I was unpleasant to her for no reason. Frequently. I was not in control of myself. She did nothing wrong.
- I had an underlying fear of commitment. I had been married at 22 as a virgin to another virgin. I spent my entire 20s and much of my 30s stone cold sober with that same woman. Then that fell apart in a sad divorce. I was unsure if I could sustain a commitment of that level again. Is that something I even wanted. Perhaps I could grow old with someone 3 nights a week, I was deliberating.
The misery was mixed with some really incredible times. We traveled around the country together visiting my siblings who are scattered. We built some wonderful memories.
On Memorial Day this year, Kaylynn and I went to Destin, FL with many of our friends.
We had two awesome couple friends down there who celebrated the holiday with us: Kelley & Hunter, Andrew & Morgan. Along with many other friends. We had a blast.
On the first day, we got into a serious argument. The words and actions of the fight were the same repetitive toxic words and actions we had previously. But for whatever reason, I looked at Kaylynn and realized that her perspective was more correct than mine.
In fact, mine was not correct at all. My perspective was tainted by the bubble in which I had been raised. Feelings about things learned in a bubble lacking knowledge had tainted my ability to see clearly.
That incorrect perspective had kicked off a domino effect in our relationship that led each of us to behave and do things that were completely unaligned with our characters. Thank goodness none of those bad outcomes were irreversible.
We turned Memorial Day weekend around. Along with our entire lives.
On Monday evening of that weekend, I was sitting on a bench next to her in the backyard of a friend’s mansion. Yachts were docked in the bay. There were beautiful people mingling around the beautiful pool and home.
We were enjoying the moment.
I came to my conclusion and told her, “Kaylynn, I have been wrong all along. I see that now. I am so sorry. I understand if you’re too hurt to proceed, but I wanna be together, together.”
She’s still here and she moved in, despite my crazy summer. That’s a good sign to me.
As soon as I said those words, BOOM, the wealthy man that owned the home lit off real fireworks from his own backyard that burst above our heads.
It was a tender mercy of a sign that we were onto something good. Family.
Oh, btw, we have a precious two-year-old too. But having a child together does not a match make.
Love won. I won and am winning every day I get to be with her.
My heart is full.
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