(I published this post originally on July 12. By that date, my coronavirus story was over. It had lasted 28 days. I am healthy now.)
I have been to the ER twice in the last 2 weeks; each time was a covid-19 mental health issue.
First ER Visit
The first time was 2 weeks ago on the 27th of June. I had said some things to my family that concerned them since my statements were out of character and nonsensical. I have many healthcare professionals in my family, and they asked me to be checked out in a capable hospital ER. My brother made sure the Emory Hospital (near the CDC) staff was prepared for my arrival. I ubered to their ER myself. That was scary to me. Was I really in trouble? Or was this just a temporary bad trippy experience?
Within an hour of arriving, the Emory ER staff had given me a CAT scan, EKG, blood/urine analysis, and more. After having gone through 3 weeks of hell and after having acted completely out of character in the things that I was saying to my family, I was very concerned.
Luckily, all the tests came back very healthy. Kidney function and oxygen levels were superb. My toxology report matched what I had explained to my family and to the doctors. I never lied to anyone. I was humble. My psychosis was a covid-19 symptom. I wasn’t a harm to myself or to anyone else, so they released me swiftly, and I ubered back to my quarantined home in Roswell.
My family was proud of me for swallowing my pride and seeking help for an issue that was beyond my control.
Second ER Visit
The second time was 10 days ago, on the 2nd of July. That was Day 25 of coronavirus for me. I was literally delirious. I had been unable to sleep well the entire 25 days. My body was so exhausted.
I was hallucinating. I wasn’t necessarily seeing things that didn’t exist. But my brain was in incredible overdrive.
I best describe it like this: my brain was taking information that is real and actually stored in my memory, but drawing fantastical conclusions, connections, and epiphanies between all of it. In a way that my brain has never done when I have been healthy and sober-minded.
This led to me doing and saying some ridiculous and nonsensical things. Again, at no point was I intending to be harmful to myself or to others. But I sure scared many people. I feel terrible about that. I am grateful for everyone around me during that time; everyone did a wonderful job.
I write this post to help others if anyone else starts to experience a similar outcome.
In this episode, I was hauled off by an ambulance to the Atlanta Medical Center. I was sedated there and allowed to sleep a number of hours. When I awoke I was fine. My elbow was very torn up and my clothes were all bloody. I looked horrendous. I had no phone because I had smashed it during my delirium. I had $19 in my wallet. I was quickly released from the hospital. I’ll explain why later.
So I was shuttled out of the hospital around 8am on that Friday morning with bloody clothes, no phone, and $19. I needed to get back to my Roswell home and resume my quarantine. It took me 2 hours of meandering through the streets nearby the hospital to find a ride. I spent a lot of that time enjoying my walk. I ended up at the Martin Luther King Jr. Visitor Center and really enjoyed the messages of peace and love there.
I found 2 sweet ladies in the Visitor Center parking lot. I didn’t come close to them and spoke from a distance. Remember how I looked. They were hesitant. I looked like I potentially had committed a heinous crime. Surely if I didn’t have a phone and was bloody, I was a threat, right? Surely I didn’t have any money and was a bum, right? Thank goodness they called a taxi for me. Thank goodness that taxi actually took me home and ran my credit card so that I could travel 45 min north to Roswell.
The taxi driver also stopped at an AT&T store. I was able to get a new phone before arriving back at my quarantine home. I knew that my friends and family would be extremely concerned about me. I needed to have a method of communication.
For 25 days, the only visitors I had were my dear friend Dayo, my girlfriend Kaylynn, and my oldest son. I did see my other kids briefly in my front yard on Father’s Day Sunday.
I knew it might take people some time to come see me. I needed a phone. So, wearing a mask and taking every precaution to keep others safe despite my coronavirus status, I purchased the phone.
(Note: I will comment later on coronavirus shaming and masks. What exactly are the rights and responsibilities of someone that has been infected with coronavirus? Well, above all else, let’s love each other and be kind to each other.)
The driver took me home. The phone never turned on. I went from Friday to Sunday without any visitors other than my eldest son David who kept my family content with the knowledge that I was home and was fine, but my friends didn’t hear from me for a long time. It was another living hell to be quarantined and have zero ability to communicate with the outside world.
Comments on the State of our Emergency Rooms
All the medical staff I encountered were incredibly competent and fantastic. My heart goes out to the men and women working to save lives. They put themselves and their families at risk and they are sacrificing their entire summer to save our lives. You might rely on these healthcare workers yourself at some point. You don’t know. Never in a million years did I think I would need to go to the ER in 2020. I am a very healthy man, generally speaking. Yet, I went to the ER twice within a week. That’s not bragging. Don’t try to outdo me. And somehow I avoided the ER for the breathing issues.
Both times I went to the ER, the doctors knew I was sick with coronavirus. What precautions did they take? I wore a cloth mask and so did they! That is all. They weren’t concerned about touching the same things that I touched. They didn’t decontaminate everything in the hospital wing. They just made sure I kept my mask on. Coronavirus is airborne, likely water droplet airborne, not the tuberculosis kind of airborne.
If a sick person wears a mask, it is really hard for anyone else to be infected. If the sick person and the healthy person wear masks, it is even harder to be infected.
However, if no one wears a mask and two people are talking face to face with water droplets in range. Infection can and will happen. Coronavirus is very contagious that way.
First ER Visit – Comments
In my first general ER visit at Emory on Clifton Road, I was there from 9am to 5pm more or less. I hadn’t eaten anything and I needed a phone charger. My nurse was terrific. But 3 hours after asking for some food, I was curious why it was taking them so long.
It is because: THE HOSPITALS ARE INCREDIBLY OVER-BOOKED. I heard people literally dying in the rooms next to me. Breathing their last breaths. It was not a good place to be. It was full of death and sadness. God bless the people working in those conditions and watching so many people die. That would be very hard for me to see at work.
I am so grateful for those of you in public service of all sorts.
Second ER Visit – Comments
In my second ER visit at the Atlanta Medical Center, I was in a special mental health ER room. When I woke up after being sedated, I was in a room on a wing of the hospital where every other patient was in much much much worse condition than me. The girl across the hall could not stop taking off her clothes and free-style rapping about having killed someone.
I saw the doctors trying to talk to her. She didn’t give a damn.
I spoke to her. She listened and obeyed. There is often more power in being a peer than in being a dictator.
I was grateful for the wonderful staff in that ER wing.
I pray for the patients suffering in those hospitals and throughout the world. I know beautiful blessings come from times of trial. I firmly believe that all the suffering of 2020 will come back with unexpected and beautiful blessings as we do our best to uplift each other and be good to ourselves.
Covid-induced Psychosis
Covid-induced psychosis is dreadful. Luckily, I entered this psychosis pretty content with my life. In some of the discharge paperwork I received from the hospital, there was a section on bipolar manic and depressive cycles. I had experienced those cycles in my 3rd and 4th weeks.
According to my paperwork, one very dangerous outcome is when manic people feel as if they are on top of the world and can’t be hurt; they might try to do something to prove invincibility, often harming themselves in the process. Or during the depressive part of the cycle, harmful or suicidal thoughts can irrationally come into one’s head with “let’s end it” type thinking, that the same person would not think in a disease-free sober state of mind.
The stress of fighting covid, the isolation of being quarantined alone, and a number of other factors can really lead to covid-induced mental health issues.
Coronavirus Shaming
One big issue I have noticed with the coronavirus plague is shaming. Finger pointing. Gossiping. Guys, we are dealing with an invisible threat. That is highly contagious and very poorly understood. We have very few tools to fight it. We are ill-equipped to solve this problem swiftly and without pain and death.
We have taken and will have to continue to take drastic measures to kill economic growth in favor of saving lives. Of course, there has to be a balance. For instance, under no circumstance do we need to toss out the Constitution of the United States of America. But I believe we do need to abide by two very simple guidelines: don’t hurt other people (in fact do as much as you can to respect and help others), and don’t hurt yourself (in fact do as much as you can to be healthy in mind and body). Period. Everything else falls out from those statements.
But it does no good to be prideful and think that you know more than anyone else. There is no single person that knows the most about anything. I understand myself that I am not an expert in healthcare. I am just doing all I can to prevent death and suffering for myself and for those I love.
For instance, you might want to call what I have written or done to be bologna. By all means, please do. I learn from critiques. I already know a lot of things I have said and done to be incorrect. I am doing my best with my known (and unknown) inadequacies and inadequate information to help other people and to survive and better myself.
Also, I have seen countless people fall sick and start blaming themselves for potentially infecting others. Give yourself a break! This is not a disease where you need to fill your mind with worry and self-blame. This is a disease where you need to be at ease in body and mind. Let it go, let it go. Focus on the important priorities of life and let it go.
Week 5 – Recuperating
A week ago today, on Sunday the 5th, Craig and Dayo came up to Roswell to check on me. Craig was essentially sent by my family to determine how beserk I had become. Luckily Craig was one of the first people to fight coronavirus back in January. He is fully aware of its effects and has a firm understanding of who I am and how out of character I had become.
He realized that I could come live with him and live a healthy lifestyle and that I would be fine. Craig has strong IgG antibodies (superman blood as some call it). He took me in, and I am forever grateful to him for helping me throughout this terrifying journey.
Today. after a full week of completely normal and healthy living, I am officially declaring the end of my covid-19 experience to have occured on Sunday July 5th. Albeit by my own voluntary choice, I am declaring a state of personal covid-19 rehab lasting at least 4 more weeks, described below.
I have been very healthy for a week. I was tested this week and have the IgM antibodies. IgM means that I was sick at some point. Duh! I need to go get tested for the pathogen itself (nasal swab) to actually know if I am still sick. I am planning to do that soon. According to the CDC and WHO guidelines for coronavirus, I am cleared to go back to work because it has been more than 10 days since my first symptom and more than 3 days since my last symptom.
Given that IgM lingers in the body well after the sickness is over in a lot of cases, arguments over the interpretation of covid testing will be many and heated. That is sad. We need less hate and more love. Wear masks and stop worrying so much. Stay home if you’re sick. Follow the guidelines of those that know more. Be kind. Be so kind.
My Priorities of Ongoing Recuperation
I am laser focused on the following things in the following order:
- My health of body and mind
- I am not partying until at least August 4th, over 4 weeks from when I recovered from the delirium
- I am not doing anything “fun” until July 21st. I am staying in, except for excursions to eat or walk or do things beneficial to my health.
- I sleep on a very regular schedule: asleep by 1030pm-ish, awake by 630am-ish (both weekdays and weekends)
- I exercise multiple times a day
- I go outside
- I listen to good music
- I read
- I write
- I reach out to help other beloved friends and family, mostly on Facetime, through their own fears and symptoms of coronavirus; it is highly beneficial to my own health to help others
- I will seek follow-up visits of all sorts with medical professionals to continue to assess my health and determine if I have been stricken by any long term threats and if those can be thwarted
- I work hard on the items below
- My family
- Deep cleaning my home so that family members can return
- Preparing activities (like lego building) to be a better father
- Planning trips to the beach or into nature to better connect to my loved ones
- Daily facetimes with family members, enhancing my health and theirs
- ArrayFire – my company, employees and their families, and my own income source
- Daily company standup meetings to better connect
- Daily personal hard work and dedication to solving the toughest problems of our business
- Utilizing anew the EOS: Entrepreneurial Operating System to ensure excellent business management
- Transparency and honesty with all staff to ensure sure footing
- Free covid testing at Regencare to all staff members and those living in staff members’ homes, to put their minds at ease; I highly recommend business owners to add this perk into their benefits package
- My friends. But they can wait.
Why Was My Experience So Bad?
My experience was among some of the worst possible, of those that didn’t require overnight hospitalization. Why? I don’t exactly know. It is impossible to know. But here are some conjectures:
- I’m 40 years old. That’s right in the middle of life. Coronavirus affects older people more than younger people.
- I was living an unhealthy lifestyle, especially with respect to my sleep habits. Overnight I was struck with coronavirus and flipped my whole lifestyle. A drastic change of lifestyle overnight can be a culprit for health issues even in the absence of coronavirus.
- I had a massive knee surgery 2 years ago. The surgery itself was fantastic. I self-rehabbed my knee for the most part focusing on my range of motion and on my strength, both of which have rehabbed well. However, I never worked on my balance. In a massive knee surgery, the nervous system is disrupted. The brain has to relearn how to communicate with the foot in that limb. Rehabbing balance is about teaching the brain to learn the new nervous system realities. In my case, my nervous system had never been satisfied and was already frazzled entering my sickness.
- Prior to each hospitalization, I felt as though my body was done being sick. I felt I had recovered each time. And I hammered my body with alcohol and party. As my friend Clark said, “If you hammer your immune system with covid, you will die.” I am glad to be alive. And I am not hammering my immune system with anything other than love these days.
- I had some tooth problems. I am fairly certain that covid affected those too and caused more pain.
- One of my really good friends, whom I was close to and loved, passed away while I was severely sick.
- The sheer delirium of fighting a terrible illness for that long is its own issue.
- ISOLATION IS TERRIBLE
Isolation is Terrible
When someone falls sick with coronavirus, what should they do? They should quarantine. They should do all they can to prevent disease spread. BUT THEY DO NOT NEED TO FIGHT THE PLAGUE ALONE.
That’s the terrible condition I fell into. I went from being constantly surrounded by friends and a large family to being 100% alone. Total. Isolation. For. 28. Days. My goodness I still shiver saying that. I fought this whole damn thing by myself. Listening to my own body. Stuck in my own head. No one around.
Thankfully, Dayo noticed how bad it was getting for me and risked his own health to come care for me. And Craig and Kaylynn also took risks for me too. But Dayo actually spent the night in my home for a few days. Side note: Dayo was tested at Regencare this week and has IgG and does not have IgM; he was blessed to have been sick, not know it, and have the antibodies. Thank goodness for Dayo.
My recommendation: Don’t fight coronavirus alone. There are enough people sick now. Find someone you like that is sick too and make a quarantined home together. Maybe Week 1ers should bunk with other Week 1ers. Week 2ers with Week 2ers. And so forth. Find runners to grab groceries for you. My oldest son did that for me and was my lifeline to the real and healthy world. I love him dearly.
Mental Healthcare Tips
I know very little about caring for my mental health. I can say these few things:
- Be kind to your body
- Exercise, diet, and avoiding things that crush your immune system. I like getting adjusted by a chiropractor regularly, as well as occasionally using cryotherapy to destress.
- Relaxing baths and hygiene of all sorts.
- Massages.
- Good calming supplements and teas.
- Be kind to your mind
- Therapy. Ever since my separation & divorce 5 years ago, I have had a terrific therapist that I continue to see as often as needed. I highly recommend having a therapist. Therapists say things in a way that make you ask yourself tough questions that push you to be more excellent than you otherwise might have been.
- I have been using the mindfulness app. I have been unplugging from electronics before bed. I have been listening to good music.
Here is a good video my mom shared about slowing down the pace of life and becoming calm.
Less Fight More Live, Love, Laugh
This year has been rough. For everyone. You’re not more important than anyone else and neither is anyone else more important than you.
Let’s love one another and share our experiences in an uplifting spirit of positive contribution. I am worn out from my fight. I felt closer to death and delirium than I have ever felt before. Those are sobering experiences. I know for certain that love is the solution to fear.
“Olive” you all.
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My previous post describing my first 2 weeks is here. My previous post describing my 3rd week is here. My August 4th follow-on post is on Facebook and will be reposted on this blog tomorrow.
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