My Return to Church

September 21, 2020

in Personal Improvement, Religion

I’ve personally decided to start going back to the church in which I was raised: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I will attend church on Sundays, insofar as it stays coronavirus-safe and spiritually uplifting for me.

To anyone who wants to come along with me, I extend an invitation. It’s a terrific place to learn the true principles of life.

It’s not a perfect experience for anyone. It was not perfect for me previously. I left for valid reasons of incompatibility. I have learned how to now live compatibly with The Church!

I am going to create this new life by taking the life I have now, which is amazing, and adding to it the best parts of how I was raised. I am going to try to learn again how to speak without cursing. At least I am going to try to not curse when sensitive ears are around me physically. That’s sorta the line I’ll draw for cursing.

Hopefully, my world will learn to stop being so sensitive and instead learn to enjoy the beauty that comes from leaving a cocoon. But that’s not my choice. My job is to be respectful to myself and others. I failed to sacrifice my curiosity previously. I now know the wrongness of that decision.

Many members of The Church claim it is “the only true church upon the face of the earth.” I don’t like that statement at all. It conveys with it such ego. Ex-mormons despise that statement. I am just over here like, “Guys, why are we squabbling over something that does matter but cannot be proved?”

My goodness, there is beautiful truth everywhere. All things denote there is a God! Let’s adhere to truth with faith in every footstep and joy in the journey.

We can all agree there are good parts and bad parts to everyone and everything. To me, the church is true. It’s just my home. Where I want to be. I wish to be aligned with it. I hope it aligns with me. I just wanna feel alive with you, my church, on Higher Ground, as Martin Garrix masterfully composes below.

What about sexual sin? Well, I am gonna be good to Kaylynn. Any further questions? I didn’t think so; stay out of my bedroom. This I know for a fact. Like Brigham Young, I am a product of my time. I do not excuse any of my behavior that hurts others or that hurts myself. But to guilt and shame, I say, “Step off.”

Also, I will not be allowing another man (or woman lol) to speak to any of my 6 kids about things of a sexual nature behind closed doors. I find it kind of hilarious to imagine the outrage I know their mothers would explicate towards the church if I or the church attempted interviews of my children of that nature. Patriarchal unjust dominion is too real in so many ways.

I am a mess of a work in progress. I have definitely not been as good at committing to Kaylynn as I could have been. I didn’t want to fail another commitment, to her or anyone or anything else. I feared failing again. Kaylynn, my girlfriends before her, and everyone around me helped pick my ass out of judgmentalism.

I had to give up my old judgmental ways, which I sorta picked up from my childhood. There were no bad actors in my childhood. I was raised in the best family in the best town, surrounded by the best people, for me at that time. Judgmentalism was just how we were raised. It was a little systemic. We were taught to “hate the sin but not the sinner.”

Maybe it would be better to just say, “Stay safe from peril and love everyone.” I can live by that much more easily. Operate from a position of strength and positivity, not from a position of hate and reluctance.

I have backed off from partying and the dangers associated with it. Well, I have been backed off from partying ever since the coronavirus kicked my ass. Come to think of it, my Grandfather might have sent coronavirus from beyond the veil into my body. He always said he would kick my “hiney” if I didn’t stick with the church lol.

I will still see my friends and rage in healthy ways. I cannot wait to be back in the portal under an electric sky with so many of you! There is so much good in PLUR: Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. So no worries I am not going to become an isolated bubble-liver by any means.

I invite anyone who wants to come share a drink with Kaylynn and me to come see us in Roswell. Or play tennis with me up here. Or it would delight my heart for y’all to join me in the church up here and see what it is all about. I bet most of you would love it. And it’s only like an hour or two of your time. HMU if interested.

I’m avoiding venues for the most part right now, due to fear of coronavirus reinfection. BTW, is that a thing or not? Once I healed from my coronavirus fight, I stopped paying as close attention to the new science that has emerged and hopefully is (but realistically is not) guiding our public health policy.

I had the antibody experience so I am protected and naturally, my mind has shifted towards items of more significance to me. Like this. My return to church.

What about living ALL THE RULES of the church? And there are A LOT OF RULES. Take all the rules, I know what they are for my two worlds, and I know I can be compatible.

I’m older now and more stable. I am no longer a kid in the candy store of the real world, unable to sacrifice my curiosity.

I am an Elder in the Melchizedek Priesthood within The Church, currently in poor standing. I have submitted my confession to return to the Church. I am confident I’ll figure things out with them. I am grateful they are a loving bunch, unlike many other religions, families, and organizations, unfortunately.

There is so much good for me in going back to The Church. Especially the part about being closer to God and to my family members, who for the most part are all actively participating in The Church.

As I confided in a handful of people, I was contemplating doing exactly the opposite of my current plan under the premise: “If ya can’t join ’em, beat ’em!” That was the wrong thing to do, and I am glad I chose to do the above.

Perhaps my return to my church can inspire someone out there to make positive movements in their own lives. Ask yourself, if I truly had no ego, what decisions would I make to get to a better spot?

The only way towards a brighter future must involve the removal of ego and judgmentalism from the highest offices of all the organizations of all the land. Together let’s cast out fear by steering our ships of every size away from captains of ego. Including the ego to judge. “Judge not that ye be not judged,” Jesus Christ. For reals.

I’m not sure how much damage to The Church I could have inflicted with my words, if any at all, but golly it sure is nice to lead with love over hate.

Love OVER Hate.

They balance each other yes. But lead with love, my friends. It is a better and happier way to live, isn’t it?!

That principle right there saved my day, and probably applies to all sorts of problems in the world.

In many organizations on earth, that holds. So many organizations are full of rot and decay.

Food for thought as we prepare for Sunday!

What else? I invite any feedback as I undertake this transition. I am happy to share my confession with anyone wanting to see how that works. Potentially it could help some of you in your own lives. DM me about that.


Relevant Theme Songs

Thank you Mike for teaching me the ways of R.E.M. 22 years ago at Brigham Young University when we walked onto campus as budding freshmen.

I feel fine. My internal tournament of lies is over. No fear cavalier, renegade… steer clear. Good lyrics in this song.

And this one for obvious reasons.

And these theme songs are from my EDM world. This one is an ex-Mormon stripling warrior sending truths back to their friends and family who have suffocated a part of themselves inside of their bubble. Hopefully, they get in the boat and head towards a terrestrial moon. I want to do that myself. Maybe we can go together.

And this one for obvious reasons.

No more split-mindedness in 2020. It’s all mental. Let’s cast out fear and live so well. It’s swell; if it isn’t hell.


My local church sent out this message which I think is nice. My comments end here.


Hello Crabapple Ward Friends:

This week, the Church announced the new theme for the youth program in 2021: “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great. Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind.” (D&C 64:33-34).

Just a few weeks ago, we read a similar scripture passage during our Come Follow Me studies: “By small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6). Later in that same chapter, Alma echoes the teaching that we should “never be weary of good works.” (Alma 37:34).

I have been thinking about the “small things” that have led to great things in my life. I often consider prayer, scripture study, and church attendance to be among those “small things,” but if we look at examples from the scriptures we just read, we see that the important “small things” can be more mundane. In fact, they can be things that we do not typically associate with our spirituality at all.

In Doctrine and Covenants Section 64, immediately before the verses quoted above, the Lord instructed Newel K. Whitney and Sidney Gilbert to continue operating “their store and their possessions” in Kirtland, Ohio, which included an ashery and a parcel of vacant property. (D&C 64:26). I strongly suspect that the Lord was identifying the businesses and other secular work of those two early church members as the “small things” that could lead to something great.

In Alma 37:1-5, Alma instructs his son Helaman about the importance of maintaining records. In fact, one Book of Mormon scholar believes that Alma was actually reminding Helaman about the importance of polishing the metal plates on which the records were kept, when he told him that the records “must retain their brightness.” (See Sharon J. Harris, Enos, Jarom, Omni: A Brief Theological Introduction, pp. 97-98 [quoting Alma 37:5]). Again, because Alma’s teaching about small and simple things leading to great things follows immediately after his reminder about maintaining (and possibly cleaning) records, I strongly suspect that keeping long-lasting records is one of the “small things” that can lead to something great.

It is no coincidence that we find this same concept — continuously attending to the small things will lead to great results — in a letter Joseph Smith wrote to the Saints asking them to keep records of the persecutions they had suffered. (See D&C 123:1-3, 14-16). Keeping records, like journals or histories, is a small thing that can have a huge impact on future generations. The “Saints” volumes of church history that the Church is currently publishing are made so much richer and more interesting by their inclusion of the journal accounts of lay members of the Church, many of whose voices we do not hear often, like immigrants, minorities, and women. This is one of the reasons why we keep a ward history — to provide “on the ground” accounts of living our religion to future generations. (I’d like to give a quick “thank you” to Sister Sandra Brock for contributing to our ward history this week. If any of you are still thinking of making a contribution, please do so. It is not too late.)

Brothers and sisters, let’s not grow “weary in well-doing” (D&C 64:33) or “weary of good works” (Alma 37:34), even if the things we are doing seem small or insignificant. If we earnestly and cheerfully do those small things, keeping in mind that those things will do much good in the future, we can then “stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God and for his arm to be revealed” in our lives. (D&C 123:14-17).

Please give some thought this week to how the small things that you have done in the past have led to great things. Also please give some thought to what additional small things you can do now to bring about great results in the future.

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